Keladry In Wonderland
by Evilstrawberry
Summary: Replace Alice with Kel, the white rabbit with Neal and move it all to Tortall, maybe you would get this. Full of people running away, talking animals and Orange Marmalade! Please read, review and tell me how much sugar you think I ate before I wrote this!
1. Down The Rabbit Hole

_Keladry In Wonderland _

_Down The Rabbit Hole_

_Disclaimer: *cough* Ahem! I don't own the characters, Tamora Pierce does. I don't own Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll does. And I am not the first person to write a wonderland fic. I just did a search and 'not so faerie L' wrote one first…_

Sitting in Etiquette Keladry of Mindelan was bord out of her mind. All third years had to learn this stuff, even if it was about as exciting as watching paint grow. 

Kel's eyes were drooping and her head was nodding when she spotted something out of the corner of her eyes. Suddenly wide-awake, Kel turned and stared at Neal. His normally cute ears were growing longer and longer and a tail was sprouting out of the back of his pants. 

"Neal! What's wrong? Are you OK?"

"Nothing's wrong my dear! What are you talking about?" He asked, twitching his nose. Sudden he jumped up "Oh my! I'm late! I'm late! Quick I'm late!" He sprung up and ran out of the classroom. 

Kel sprung up too and followed him. She saw him pause at the end of the hallway and take a sundial out of his wait coat pocket. _Since when did Neal where a wast coat?_ She thought as she ran after him. _And when did sundials start working inside?_

"Neal! Get back here! We're supposed to be in class!" When she turned a corner she saw Neal jump into a hole in the wall. 

Kel stoped and thought _should I go after him? I better, someone has to save him…. we are both in serious trouble!_ Before she jumped after him. 

She tumbled through and landed with a crash on the other inside. Looking around Kel saw she had landed in a room full of jars or Orange Marmalade. She was covered in the stuff because she had broken so many jars when she had fallen in. 

"Great! I'm heading beck for a bath before I go after Neal, if I'm gonna get in trouble for skipping classes I'm going to do it clean!" But when she turned to where the hole had been there was just more shelves of marmalade. There was nothing else in the room except a tunnel. 

Because there was nowhere else to go Kel started walking down the tunnel. Turning around a corner she caught a glimpse of her bunny-friend.

"Oh my beautiful hair and green eyes, how late it is getting!" He cried as he ran.

"Neal! Get back here!" She yelled. "You got me covered in _Orange Marmalade!!!_ Do you know how much I _hate_ that stuff?" He ran off and when she turned the next corner he was nowhere in site. 

Seeing as there was nowhere else that he could have gone Kel kept following the tunnel. She wanted to find Neal and make him…. explain…. With the help of many sharp implements…she really hated orange marmalade…

After walking for a while Kel found her self in a low room lit by smelly lamps hanging from the walls. There were doors all around but after checking, Kel found they were all locked. In the middle of the room she spotted a three-legged table.

She walked up to it and picked up a key that was lying on the top. She decided to try it out in all the doors, it didn't fit any but on her second circuit Kel spotted and really little door about two feet high. She bent down and opened it with the key.

Looking out she saw a beautiful garden. Thinking anyplace would be better then this stinking, stuffy room Kel tried to fit her marmalade-covered head through. After much pushing and ear hurting she realised she couldn't. She walked beck to the table and saw that there was now a little bottle of something labelled 'Drink Me' on it.

"What the? That's like writing 'Plunge me into your heart' on a knife…" She muttered as she went to turn away. 

"I said DRINK ME damn it!!!!" Screamed the little bottle as it sprung up from the table and forced itself into her mouth. Kel gagged and tried to spit it out but the liquid had already forced its way down her throat. Kel then started to shrink!

"God's curse it!" She yelled as she shrunk. But she instantly cheered up when she relished she was just the right height to fix in the door. She walked up to it. Seeing it was locked again she took the key out of her pocket and opened the door. She was about to walk through when a voice called out behind her.

"What the hell do you think your doing? You not supposed to have the key!" Yelled a very little cake with the words 'Eat me' written on the top in icing. "You're supposed to leave the key on the table and have to eat me to get it! Just cut me out of the story why don't you?"

"I'm sorry." Said Kel "But let me get this straight, you want me to eat you?"

"Well when you put to that way, not really…"

"Nope, To late." Said Kel as she snatched up the cake and swallowed it whole. 

**_Authors Note_**_: But paint doesn't grow I here you all say! I answer; Exactly! Anyway, *blink* that was weird…but that is not the point. The point is, was it funny? Please review and tell me! I should have the next chapter up soon (Soon for me, anywhere between 1 day and 6 months….) if no one reviews I'll still write more just to spite you all! Mwahahahahahahahahah! Thanks for reading!_

_P.S. This might make slightly more sense if you go and read the real Alice in Wonderland (again?)…*Scratches head* only slightly but…._


	2. The Pool Of Tears

Keladry In Wonderland 

_The Pool of Tears _

_Disclaimer: Hey! It all belongs to Tamora Pierce, Lewis Carroll_.

"Weirderer and weirderer!" said Kel, because she was now growing to an extraordinarily huge size. 

"You ate me!" Yelled a voice from inside her tummy. And next ting she new the little cake was climbing up her throat and forcing its way out her mouth. "I can't believe you actually ate me! What did I ever do to you?" As it talked it seemed to be transforming.

It's icing was turning red and stringy. The rest of it was becoming body shaped and slowly it turned in to a person as big as Kel.

"Owen! What are you doing here? Why were you a cake?" 

"I cannot believe you jolly well ate me! That's just jolly well not on!" With that he sat down and started to sob. His tears formed a giant puddle at his feet that was growing larger by the minute. 

"You should to be ashamed of your self Owen, a big girl like you sitting there and crying!" Snapped Kel, she was getting worried about the amount of water filling the room.

"Did you just call me a girl?"

"Umm…no? I don't think I did…"  
  
"Yes you did!" But his accusations were cut off when they heard the sound of pattering feet. 

"Oh, the Queen, the Queen! Won't she be savage if I keep her waiting?"

"Neal? Said Owen "Why do you have ears and a tail?" Neal jumped at the sound of a giant voice and dropped the fan he was carrying.

"Owen? Why are you so big?" Kel didn't want to be rude and interrupt their talk but she had a very important thing to tell Neal.

"Neal!" She yelled "You…you…you made me follow you into this mad place, I'm probably going to be on punishment duty for ages and you got me covered in _Orange Marmalade!" _Kel then picked up the tiny fan and proceeded to try and hit Neal with it. 

Owen looked at the enraged Kel then at Neal, he then promptly shrank himself and together he and Neal ran away as fast as they could. 

Kel was getting very frustrated and because she was so big she couldn't catch them. They soon disappeared out a door, locking if firmly behind them. 

"Gods this place stinks…" She muttered as she fanned herself to get some of the smell away. 

_This place must be getting to me…_She thought. The smell and the fumes from the lamps were getting into her mind and before she could stop herself a poem popped out of her mouth

"How doth the little worrier

Improve his shining mail

He feels a whole lot sorrier

If he don't, and he should fail

How cheerfully he seems to grin

Before he runs you through

He says, "It's just a little pin

It won't go straight through you."

As Kel was saying this she noticed that she was shrinking, she concluded that the fan was doing this and tried to stop fanning but she couldn't! She kept shrinking down till she was too tiny to hold the fan in one hand, at which point she dropped it. 

Fed up, Kel marched towards the door, determined to smash it down and get to the garden. But one the way she slipped and fell into the pool of tears that Owen had left.

"I do wish Owen hadn't cried so much! But at least all the orange marmalade has washed off." She muttered as she tried to swim to the shore, but it seemed to be gone!

Presently she heard a splashing and decided to swim towards it to investigate. She swam out a bit and saw some sort of animal the same size as her. _It'll eat me!_ Kel thought as she tried to swim silently away.

Unfortunately the animal heard her and started to swim towards her.

"Jump?" Exclaimed Kel.

"Was it you who cried so much Kel?" He asked

"No! It was Owen!"

"Then you must lead us all to the land…" Jump stated, for many other animals had fallen in the water by this point. Some of them she knew, there was Peachblossum and Crown and many of her other sparrows, and lots of animals she didn't know.

So with the confused Kel in lead they all swam to the shore. And not for a long time did Kel think to ask what they were doing there, let alone how they could talk…

**_Authors Note_**_: Hey! Wow, I'm updating within a week *Looks shocked* It's amazing! _

_The original poem thing that's in Alice in Wonderland is_

_How doth the little crocodile_

_Improve his shining tail,_

_And pour the waters of the Nile_

_On every golden scale!_

_How cheerfully he seems to grin,_

_And neatly spreads his claws,_

_And welcomes little fishes in,_

_With gently smiling jaws!_

_I'm just telling you all that because I think it's a really cool poem thingy, it's all like 'Look at me I'm an evil croc!' I make sense to myself…. Anyway, please review! Tell me if it's good, tell me if it's bad, tell me if you think I'm insane. Just please tell me something!_


	3. DusDus Race

_Keladry In Wonderland_

_Dus-Dus Race_

_Disclaimer: This is sort of like those grapes at the super market that you eat to see if the grapes are good enough to buy. You only eat one but you still don't own it. Well it's not really, but I just felt like talking about grapes. So Tamora Pierce owns the people and Lewis Carroll owns the original wonderland._

_We are a queer looking party,_ thought Kel as she and the animals flopped onto the shore. 

The first question they asked themselves after they got to land was how were they going to get dry? They all talked about this for a while until Kel suddenly had a thought.

"Hold on! How come you are all talking?" They all looked at her blankly before Jump finally replied.

"Why, what ever else would we be doing my dear?" Kel just blinked and decided to try not to think about it. "I have an idea on how to get dry!" Jump continued. "I'll tell you all a joke and the water will laugh so much it'll just fall of us! Ok, this person walked into this bar and said could I please have some water and the bar tender said…No, we don't have any!" 

"And?"

"That's it."

"Err, right. Well as…. funny as that joke was, it didn't work so I have a better idea." Said Peachblossom. "Lets have a Dus-Dus race! That'll be sure to dry us off!"

Kel glanced around and realised she'd have to be the one to ask because no one else was going to. She took a deep breath and, trying to ignore the fact she was talking to her horse and he was actually talking back, asked. "What _is_ a Dus-Dus race, Peachblossom?"

"It's sort of hard to explain so I'll just set it up and show you." He then proceeded to make a square on the ground out of twigs and rocks (which Kel though was amazing seeing as he had no fingers) and told everyone to stand around the edge.

"Here are the rules. You have to race into the middle of the circle and stomp on everybody's toes then race to every corner of the square. The first person back to their original starting place wins. You have to tread on _everybody's_ toes, no cheating! When I say go, go. Go!" All the animals and Kel then started chasing each other around the circle trying to stomp on each other's toes.

Jump, after realising he was going to have trouble winning the race, simply adopted the strategy of latching his jaws onto the ankle of a person and refused to let go until they let him walk over their foot. Most of the big animals were having no trouble stomping everybody and maiming then in the process. 

Kel was not doing well at this game. She was reluctant to tread on the smaller creatures and was getting hurt by the larger ones. Finally she gave up and decided to leave the animals to their merry but painful little game.

She walked out of the square and watch from the side. As she was standing there she heard a sound. The pitter-patter of big feet trying to be little came to her ears. They sounded amazing like the footsteps of someone who had only recently been half turned into a small rodent. Kel looked up and saw none other that Neal The Rabbit Man himself hopping around up the road a bit. She immediately took off after him. 

"Neal!" She screamed as she raced towards him "Get back here! The animals are _talking_ to me!"

****

**_Authors Note_**_: If you want something to read go and have a look at UnDeadGoat's Alice's Ode to a Mouse. It's madgood! Very strange in that Wonderland sort of way. _

_Thanks for reading this and thanks to everyone who reviewed! _


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